Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch…

Now it’s personal! The Golden Globes have been canceled thanks to the stupid writer’s strike. I’m sorry but remind me WHY they are still picketing? I love the hell out the Golden Globes. It’s the first major awards show where celebrities show their ass in crappy outfits or nice ones.

“We are all very disappointed that our traditional awards ceremony will not take place this year and that millions of viewers worldwide will be deprived of seeing many of their favorite stars celebrating 2007’s outstanding achievements in motion pictures and television,” Hollywood Foreign Press Association president Jorge Camara said. “We take some comfort, however, in knowing that this year’s Golden Globe Award recipients will be announced on the date originally scheduled.”

Someone’s going to pay for this! They’d better get back to work or they’ll find a team of Indians or Russians to start writing our shows for us. A bit of “outsourcing” will teach ‘em.

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Look at former rapper Ma$e, now known as Pastor Mason Betha, and his wife Twyla {<--What the f*ck kind of name is that?--Slim} advertising their "Born to Succeed" religious program. Well isn't he a regular Jimmy Swaggart?

I wonder if he touches on cheating on your wife with trannies in Atlanta. It would be even better if he would reach out to Puffy and anoint him with talent.

How did I miss this? I know Christmas is over and all and after seeing this I’m kind of glad for it. I don’t know what to think about this dude. Quite frankly I don’t know if he likes to put his “yule log” into stockings or if he likes to take the “yule log” into his…………

Happy New Year folks! I hope you are all safe and happy and all that. Hope you didn’t get knocked up or knock anyone else up *lol* after having a few too many drinky drinks!!!

My resolutions included the following:
1) Convincing John Cena that my son is actually our love child so that he can wife me, and I can cheat on him with Cody Rhodes and get hella alimony.

2) Buy Solange and Kelly Rowland some self-esteem…….

3) Give T-Pain some chapstick and some vocal talent.

4) Start a fight between Rihanna and Beyonce on some Jerry Springer sh*t.

5) Find an entourage of male hoes to spray my afro and wipe me down wherever I go.

There were plenty of funny clips and videos on YouTube this year, but none of them are as disturbing, freaky or just flat out questionable as this video and the people behind it.

They came [most likely on the couch], they saw, and they conquered all things questionably homoerotic. They made the sensual seduction of furniture seem even more vile than anyone could begin to imagine. They made us feel so sorry for that poor ottoman, that we wanted to start a “Stop The Sexual Abuse Of Ottomans, Couches and Floors” group. Well I did anyway. They also made us question what our boyfriends could really be doing when they claim they are getting together to play “Halo.” Hell it even made some of us send evil side eye glances to the couch I’m sure. Without further ado…..the winners of 2007’s Most Disturbed/Freakiest YouTube Clip are Peer Pressure aka those dancing closet homo dudes that dry hump couches and shit

YouTube must have removed the full version, but this snippet is just as effective in capturing a death by penis.

*sigh* Now I know how to answer when someone asks me how I want to die.

I quit this bitch.

This shit right here is every bit as bad as one would expect from the descriptions. Penelope Cruz and her sister (really do we need to know her name?) have cameos in their brother’s video “Cosas Que Contrar” and boy what love do they have for each other.

What’s wrong with it? Where to begin? The fact that the sisters are looking to seduce their brother? They strip to their underwear? Kiss on each other? I’m okay if he picked two birds who’d do anything for a crumb but these are his sisters. I don’t EVEN want to know what bath time must have been like in that house when they were kids.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been bought my wreath, black dress and black scarf to wear to the funeral for Soulja Boy’s career. Even though it’s obvious to anyone with half a brain this kid’s career is dying a slow death, he doesn’t seem to realize that it’s a wrap.

Here he is trying to come up with a new dance called the “Swag.” Peep for yourself, but here’s my synopsis:

1) This dance is more suitable at a gay bar or a gay pride parade because no heterosexual man can do this dance without looking like he takes nuts to his tonsils.

3) The dance reminds me of some chic’s makeup routine.

And last but not least……..

4) WHITE FOLK WON’T BE ABLE TO EXECUTE THIS DANCE!!! At least not in Seattle anyway…..*side eyes*

Would you wear these?? I can’t even imagine wearing this without breaking every toe on my feet.

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