Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch…

Let me be honest. From 1999 until 2002 I wanted to crush the HELL out of Eminem like a monster truck at a damned rally. I’m serious, I wanted to SMASH. At the time, he was the “creme de la creme” for white dudes. He represented well. Hell even my boyfriend dyed his hair blonde *side eyes*.

Unfortunately, he took himself out the limelight and may be having health problems.

Celebrity gossip site TMZ is reporting that 50 Cent’s favorite white boy may be suffering from some serious health problems. Em’s publicist reportedly told the site: “Over the holidays, Marshall Mathers, pka Eminem, was under doctor’s care at a Detroit-area hospital for complications due to pneumonia. He has since been released and is doing well recovering at home.” TMZ also reports, according to other unnamed sources, that in addition to pneumonia, Em might have a “serious heart condition” and that his weight has “ballooned” to over 200 pounds.

200 lbs. isn’t that bad. It happens! He’s a guy! I hope he wears it well at least. Y’all know Slim likes the thickums. A little thickness is good for grabbing, and there is a REASON why they call them love handles okay! I hope Slim Shady gets well soon!!

Spotted at XXL via TMZ

(photos spotted at People.com)
And I say that in my best “Borat” voice. I mean they are aren’t they?
Jamie Lynn gets knocked up at 16 years old, goes through “baby daddy” paternity drama in the gossip rags and blogs, and now is pictured with a GED book in her hand. G’on girl!!! Get you some learnin’ and edumacation so you and your baby can be all sophisterated! I vote she names the baby Fendi Guccay Vuitton Spears. That will really put the cherry on top this joint.

Then big sister Britney drives her Mercedes around on a flat tire, abandons it and had it impounded last night.

Good Lawd Lynn Spears! How do you do it? This isn’t even funny anymore. Just really irritating!

Sexy! Hot! On Fire!

Sheer Glitter Tank Top: $15
Sheer Purple Dress from the stripper/adult store: $20.50
Showing off your sagging body parts and FUPA in granny panties: PRICELESS!!!

Ah this is what being content with being on the D-list looks like. What has she done recently?? Here she is in Hollywood over the weekend partying it up.

And I would definitely invest in a purse.

She is still pretty but something is off about Megan Good’s face right here. Bloated much? This is when you party too much……….

Isn’t there a movie about black college kids shucking and jiving or getting served that needs a leading lady? *crickets*

It’s short but Amil doesn’t sound too bad on this track. God knows she sounds better than most female rappers these days excluding Remy Ma. Yeah, clown on Remy because she’s a dummy, but that broad can spit! I always wanted Amil to get more time. Jay-Z pulled a “Puffy” on old girl.

Anyway, click here to listen.

When the old lady looks better than YOU do, it’s time to make some changes. I’m just saying. Joan Collins was one of the guests at the World Magic Awards, as was Pamela Anderson.

Can someone tell me what those splotches are on Pam’s shoulder? She looks like hot shit on a stick.

I LOVE Simon Cowell; really I do. His wicked wit and honesty paired with little peeks at his lovely chest hair get my motor running. I won’t lie. I’d let granddaddy smash. This, however, is ridiculous.

In looking at Simon’s crispy skin, I start to think about beef jerky or some really nice Louis Vuitton luggage. Actually now I’m craving bacon.

Gotta love melanomas!

Basically. I’d be super excited if my daddy who was DEFINITELY not drugged up and pathetic came to take me from my worthless mother. Today is the day that Britney Spears must give here kids over to Kevin Federline for full custody because she sucks. A damned shame….

Either she’ll get it together or we’re all in for some drama and great gossip.

Sorry for yesterday. Please remind me to stay away from some internet boards. Some chicks use pregnancy as a chance to be drama queen attention whores. Go figure! You would think some would be more concerned with not getting fat…….so I’ll pay more attention to my blogs!

With that said Ashanti and Kid Rock were at the opening of the MGM Grand in Detroit. They joined a whole bunch of go-go dancers and corrupt mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. Sounds like fun. I bet they collected those checks quick.

Is it just me or does Kid Rock look EXTRA poor??