Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch…

Our second most favorite drunkie and co-dependent crack whore*, Lindsay Lohan, decided to have a bottle of bubbly on New Year’s Eve! Did they teach her that in her AA meetings?

I see you Lindsay! Who wants to bet that she does some f*ckery again in 2008??

*Britney has number one on lock!

So yesterday the blogs were buzzing with the rumor that rapper Remy Ma had a lesbian affair with some chick in New York. Here’s the video that started it all, in case you missed it:

Well Remy, via her reps, are denying the whole thing and claim she isn’t even a lesbian.

“The fraudulent video hoax that has surfaced of an alleged female lover of Remy Ma is completely false and reps for Remy Ma emphatically deny these claims. The staged video and storyline, as well as the voice on the phone posing as Remy are all fictitious and have made it very obvious that this is a deliberate attempt to undermine Remy’s name and character. Remy Ma has not nor has she ever been involved in a same sex relationship with the accuser or any other woman however Remy is respectful of those who choose the alternative lifestyle. Again, this video and claim are both 100% untrue and we hope that the involved accusers are aware of the civil liberties violated in the taping of this video.”

Honestly this right here is damned near irrelevant. Remy is not on that level to where we should care whose “box” she’s been eating. But I’m more inclined to believe it’s a hoax. That girl doesn’t even SOUND like Remy. I bet Lil’ Kim did this!

Angel Lola Love shows her ASSets in XXL……

I’m no Dr. James Watson, but I wonder if models with grotesque asses carry their brains in ONE of their two oversized butt cheeks. Between Angel Lola Luv, Melyssa Ford, and Deelishis, I am POSITIVE I could earn a Nobel prize for my studies on big booty heffers who should just shut up and look pretty for the men who are going to skeet all over their pictures in the magazine. How do men beat off to a magazine picture anyway? It’s not like the girls move. They just sit there and stare at you while you defile them. Wouldn’t a video be better? Okay I digress……..

Beyonce Vs. Jay-Z:

So let’s keep it all the way real. I remember we were talking on South Beach earlier this year, and you were so consumed with taking it to the next level…
Never mind thinking beyond the average bitch, I think beyond the average dude. I’ve always compared myself to dudes. As much as I’m infatuated with Beyoncé, I don’t idolize Beyoncé. I idolize Jay-Z.

On Competition:

So what makes you hotter than every other video vixen out there?
A lot of ’em don’t get far, because they want the wrong things—they want the fame, without getting the accomplishments. The accomplishments aren’t their first priority. I’m far from these industry bitches {<---Now I know what Angel Lola Love's ass is filled with: delusions of grandeur! Get real bitch!--Slim} . If I’m not modeling, I’m back in D.C., on the block with my pajamas on and no makeup. I just might be the realest.

Now THAT is a classy lady right there. Jackie Kennedy-Onassis eat your HEART out. Okay well you’re in heaven somewhere, but still….eat your heart out from HEAVEN….
Click HERE for more

Beyonce is the only “meatball in the rice.” *snickers*

What do all four of these girls have in common, aside from showing more crotch than Miss Peaches at Body Tap??? They all made Santa’s naughty list for 2007.

Beyonce came in at number four on the naughty list, while Britney Spears grabbed the top spot. Paris Hilton followed at number two and Lindsay Lohan rounded out the top four at number three.

So how do you define “nice”? For kids, it simply comes down to “cleaning up and doing chores,” “sharing” and “being honest and polite” as a way to get on Santa’s good side. And if you’re wondering how they classified being naughty, the kids cited such things as “not listening to parents,” “being mean and bullying,” and “being snobby.”

See what showing your girly bits gets you little girls? NADA! Ask me I know!

I’m just glad that I’m not on the naughty list this year. Santa gave me hard rocks, but they weren’t two pieces of coal I’ll tell ya that…….*shivers*
Source

(Photo spotted at PerezHilton.com)

There really are NO words. It sounds crazy, but then again looking at this picture of Britney and knowing what a big slut Paris is, I would not be surprised.

This is what happens when you’re a ho and your “sourpuss” has seen more action than Jenna Jameson and Karrine “Superhead” Steffans combined. Hmmm….that’s a lot of wang…..

IN THE latest battle between the wild girls of Hollywood, Britney Spears has reportedly threatened to leak footage of Paris Hilton in a lesbian romp.

The singer and her pals sent the heiress a letter warning her that they would leak the footage, which shows Hilton in a compromising position with one of Spears’ friends, unless her attitude changed.

“The letter warns Paris that if she continues being rude to people, the footage will be leaked online,” says an insider.

The former friends are said to have fallen out at Spears’ birthday bash on the weekend after Hilton snubbed her.

But Hilton isn’t taking the threat seriously.

“It’s obvious Britney and her bratty pals are being silly. Paris laughed when she got the letter and said it was c–p,” a source close to Hilton told the London Daily Mail.

Source

If you know you’ve got something in your draws, make sure you are HONEST and upfront because you could be put on blast!!! Like Drew up there! This chick, Public Health Grrl, contends that she got herpes from this guy but when confronted he was a pig about it. So what does she do? She doesn’t get mad, she gets even! She created a blog and flyers, which she posted all over her area, with his face on it. Wanna see? Check out STD All Stars here!!!

I won’t exhaust it too much because it’s probably on EVERY blog known to man. I will just give a quick rundown of some of my favorite pics.

Monica looks lovely for being 6 months pregnant! And I need that top in my life. Good for her getting out even though she’s knocked up.

Usher and his wet nurse Tameka Foster (Raymond) showed up. Apparently there was some static between one of Tameka’s friends and blogger/photograher Sandra Rose. Usher apologized for the antics. WTF Tameka????

I have no words T-Boz. I will just say that Jesus cures all that ails us.

Janet and Jermaine Dupri looked really cute together. I won’t front everything about her was perfection. Very classy! Very chic!

I cannot say the same about the promo girls however……..
How does this fit in with a DAMNED thing? Someone call PETA!

Here’s Remy Ma’s new (SCANDALOUS) video “Jump (Kris Kross)!” Yup it samples the CLASSIC jam from the early ’90s. That’s the only reason I like it. Well that and how she cuts up these skanks that seem to be coming up like rats out of an overflowing sewer.

WITH THAT SAID….I would like to dedicate this song to: all the groupie skanks that hang out at the Seattle clubs that almost got knocked the hell out by me for not holding their space, to my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends, especially the hangers on that almost got their a$$es beat; all the nasty, no self-esteem having skazooeys that keep calling into KUBE 93 FM on some BULLSH*T talking about how they’d let their man have a threesome if HE wanted to because they ain’t worth sh*t, my next door neighbor because I can’t stand her already and those broads from high school that I have unfinished business with. Don’t get shanked at the 10 year high school reunion in ‘09, broads!

Travis McCoy, frontman to Gym Class Heroes, celebrated his birthday this past weekend. He also had a human sucker fish broad with him; Penthouse Pet Justine Joli. I’d bet $50 and a free meal at Catfish Corner on Central Ave. that she wasn’t around until the negro got some fame.

Penthouse need to get on Playboy’s level if that’s the type of chics they’ve got going for them. Paging Holly, Kendra and Bridgette!

Blogging sure is fun!!! This has been the most rewarding hobby/side hustle besides medical interpretation and robbing 4th graders for their lunch money. So I’m on another blog (not listed in my blog roll) and in their comments section SOMEBODY posts the link to this forum on AllHipHop.com that’s so SCANDALOUS, I HAD to bring it to you folks. I’m surprised I found it in the bazillion f*cking comments on that blog <----blog envy lol. Jeez. Anyway, so let me break it down:
Miss Trifling (girl in pics above) is caught sleeping with a guy I shall call Maybe Baby Daddy. So Maybe Baby Daddy’s girlfriend walks in and catches them. How she didn’t cut them with a blade I don’t know. I would anyway. So a fight ensues but Maybe Baby Daddy decides to stay with his bottom girl and tells Ms. Trifling to bounce. Eventually MBD (Maybe Baby Daddy) finds out that his bottom girl is pregnant. They’re happy. Ms. T then says she is preggers too, but with TWINS. He refuses to acknowledge saying it’s a lie and he gets heat for it because she seems to be growing. She even has a baby shower. But most of us know usually with twins you don’t make it to full term because it’s too much on the body. Suspicions grow. Finally MBD’s bottom girl is in labor and Ms. T goes into labor too but what a shame: the twins die in labor. By now people ain’t buying it. They confront her and when they go into her room they find prosthetic baby bumps (fake baby bumps like they wear in the movies)!!!

Of course they start clowning and she runs off from her campus SHAMED and HUMILIATED.

They even started a Facebook group! Want to read the FULL run down??? Click HERE!

There are NO words! I wouldn’t have posted it if it wasn’t all over the damned ‘net anyway.