Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch…

What with Brit-Brit all in the hospital and all that, it’s kind of slow. So I figured I would post these pics of Tyson Beckford for you guys. Dude looks sharper than a Santoku knife.

YouTube must have removed the full version, but this snippet is just as effective in capturing a death by penis.

*sigh* Now I know how to answer when someone asks me how I want to die.

I wonder what he could be whispering all in Bow Wow’s ear about!

“Boy your lips sho do look extra moist tonight. Real soft and supple and sh*t….”

I hate her………*turns green with envy*

Christina Aguilera will be displaying all of the nude photos she took for the January issue of Marie Claire in her home! Isn’t that narcisstic cute?

A source said: “Christina loved those pictures, and wants to put them up in her house so everyone can see them.

“She also wants them to be up when the baby is born so she can show him or her what their mum looked like while she was pregnant.”

Yeah well I’m looking at taking some too but they damned sure won’t be nude. I don’t want to frighten my boys or answer any questions along the lines of “Mommy! Why do your tits look like two deflated rump roasts hanging down to your girlie parts?”

Not good for my soul at all……

Source

Perez Hilton is reporting that fine piece of white chocolate Gerard Butler is hitting Naomi Campbell’s guts. Get some Gerard! LOL can I just add that it seems that white men are having the BEST year ever? For various reasons, not all of them good, but I mean damn…this is that year I guess!

Shiver my kitty timbers! I damned sure love to see a man in a kilt. Makes me wonder what the business is under there. I just wish some wind would blow that joint up…

It’s obvious Mr. Meth has acted before. I don’t care what he does, I STAN HARD for Method Man. He’ll play a dirty, rotten son of a b*tch on next week’s “Law And Order: SVU” and I can’t wait.

Here’s a preview!

Christina Aguilera graces the January issue of Marie Claire looking STUNNING. Pregnant chicks have the game on lock this year huh?

Umm I’m glad that she feels sexy and all but I am tired, uncomfortable and ravenous most of the time. My cover would probably include me with chocolate all over my face, holding a drumstick, crumbs all on my belly sitting in a chair. That and my tits are DAMNED sure not that perky for being pregnant. Neither are hers but I don’t have the benefit of being airbrushed.

I only have five words to describe the awe and glory of my man Ghostface Killah’s “The Big Doe Rehab” album cover:

Jockin’ on yo’ bitch ass……

(I’ll take all you hoes on!)

Oh yes! I’m going to have to cop People Magazines’s Sexiest Men Alive issue “10th grade teen boy” style.

You know what that is right? Where you get your little money, go to the store, buy the magazine, run home with it hidden in the bag, and hide it under the mattress for optimum concealment while being at arm’s reach. They didn’t skimp on the man-beef. Every sexy bastard was in that issue. This is for those nights when it’s just you, and your man is not there. Light some candles, put on some Sade, pull this out while you’re in the tub and VOILA…..sweet dreams are made of these!

I have THREE issues with this list though:
1) What the HELL is Pete Wentz doing on the list???? Are we counting human-trout cross breeding?
2) Where is my man Lil’ Wayne???? If they can put Pete Wentz on there, they can put Lil’ Wayne.
3) WHERE is Idris Elba??? I didn’t see him on the list? Somebody better get “Tango” on that list ASAP.

‘Happy Birthday son! Stare at some vajayjay! You’ve earned it!’ Just kidding! She didn’t say that!

The stripper, who arrived halfway through the lesson, first walked the unnamed boy around the class on all fours like a dog.

She then spanked him 16 times - once for each year - to the sound of Britney Spears, before stripping down to her bra and knickers.

It was only when she asked the schoolboy to rub cream on her that the shocked teacher called a halt to the show.

The boy’s mother reportedly told the school the incident was the result of a booking error.

The teacher stopped AFTER she asked about the cream? I guess stripping down to your knickers is no reason to be alarmed……..

Source