Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch…

Happy New Year folks! I hope you are all safe and happy and all that. Hope you didn’t get knocked up or knock anyone else up *lol* after having a few too many drinky drinks!!!

My resolutions included the following:
1) Convincing John Cena that my son is actually our love child so that he can wife me, and I can cheat on him with Cody Rhodes and get hella alimony.

2) Buy Solange and Kelly Rowland some self-esteem…….

3) Give T-Pain some chapstick and some vocal talent.

4) Start a fight between Rihanna and Beyonce on some Jerry Springer sh*t.

5) Find an entourage of male hoes to spray my afro and wipe me down wherever I go.

“Fame is lonely. At first, I was on an adrenaline high - this is my dream. I’m actually doing it; it didn’t phase me that I was alone, that I wasn’t with the people I love. But after a while it gets repetitive and that is when you think, ‘Oh wow, I am sitting in a hotel room once again, just me and the television’.”

Oh girl I have the remedy for that! Just order some p0rn and watch the time fly by!

Source

Rihanna and T-Pain were just some of the offenders……

Rihanna was the latest celebri-slut to come to Britney Spears’ defense recently.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with partying. Partying is healthy. You can’t have a boring life. You have to party some time,” the 19-year-old Grammy nominee was quoted by Entertainmentwise as saying.

“People put so much energy into being negative about Britney. There’s so much pressure on her — it can’t be easy.”

Why is she worrying about what that other skank is doing? She should be worried about her OWN career as it probably won’t make it past 2010 in tact. This sounds like code for “I’m probably going to do this too as soon as I turn 21, so it’s all good.”

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Rihanna on being “friends” with Beyonce:

“She’s Beyonce, and I’m (his) new protegee. When we see each other we say hi. We’re not enemies, but we’re not `friends’ friends.”

I bet them meeting in the hallway of Def Jam goes like this:

Rihanna: Hi Beyonce…
Beyonce: Don’t talk to me heffa. Remember, I f*cks
with Solange, Kelly and Michelle. Don’t get bodied.

I would post a pic but Blogger is being a punk bee-atch!
I think Rihanna stans will appreciate!
Click Here To Listen!!

I mean I’m not one to gossip but I mean come on……..

Don’t these pictures just scream “hoe game tight” to you? I’m just wondering………..
I mean and it’s the SAME girl. What do they think the appeal of this is? If a guy wanted to see two chicks go at it, he could just go to Boysfood.com or some ish like that and get the job done. Besides, EVERY chick who can’t cut it solo does this “I’m bi for the camera and the club” schtick. They might as well wear a neon sign over their heads that says “insecure” and be honest with themselves. These two look like they know what that “thang” smell like.

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Josh Hartnett seems to have followed my own personal mantra to “regulate on any shade of that ass” by getting down with pop skank Rihanass Rihanna. She’s definitely dickmatized.

Umbrella girl Rihanna has finally come clean about movie star Josh Hartnett and told 3am: “I’ve fallen for him big time.”

The stunning 19-year-old has previously dodged questions about her love life but the loved-up singer told all at the World Music Awards in Monte Carlo at the weekend.

Spilling the beans about Pearl Harbor star Josh, 29, she grinned: “I would be lying if I told you we were not more than just friends.

“He is so hot and he is really sweet to me.

“When we hang out it feels right - even though it’s still pretty new.”

I bet somewhere Scarlett Johansson is screaming “Yahh B*tch Yahh” as she puts graffiti all over Rihanna’s Cover Girl makeup ads.

Might I just add that she looks like a puppy dog in that picture??? She is just looking at him like a dog looks at the table for some scraps. She looks like she might be scared of that “thang” anyway. Is her “Front, Back and Side to Side” even all that good???? If I was in her position my picture would’ve consisted of me looking right at the camera on some “I’m about to smash” ish.

Source.

(Spotted at Bossip)

*SMDH* It’s obvious Rihanna has come to the realization that she sucks as an artist so she’s grabbing homegirl’s tits in an effort to stay relevant. I know Jay-Z is behind this. Don’t you just LOVE when mediocre broads resort to “girl-on-girl” action to get attention?

Jay-Z to Rihanna: Umm your album ain’t worth sh*t and you lose relevance every day, ho. It’s time for plan B. Step your ho game up. Beyonce’s lacefronts don’t pay for themselves.