Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch…

“When your career hits the skids suck dicks on vids! The modern ho motto!”

- Reader and sister in blogging PrettyBlack

Chris Rock had Madison Square Garden rolling when he performed on Monday night, kicking off his six month tour. Here are some gems, what with the Iowa Caucuses and all……..

On Barack Obama: “Bush [bleeped] up so bad, now people are like, ‘We don’t want another white guy in the White House’ . . . but Barack don’t realize he’s the black candidate, talking in measured tones like he does.”

On Hillary Clinton: “I think America’s ready for a woman president . . . just not that woman. Being married to somebody doesn’t make you good at their job. I’ve been with my wife 10 years now. If she got up here right now, y’all wouldn’t laugh. At all. You get on a plane tomorrow, you want the pilot’s wife flying you?”

On Rudy Giuliani: “Everyone says Giuliani was great on 9/11. Great on 9/11 . . . What about 9/10?”

What else is there to say? Real talk.

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“He’s always gonna be Gay-Z no matter what. We could do business or even if he wants a beat from Havoc, that nigg*’s still Gay-Z to me.”

LMAO! Prodigy sure is pissed about that incident huh? I mean wow……
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But I really did think that Pretty has something to hide. [I think] he left because he was gay. It was coming out. He made this whole big deal about how they asked his sister all these inappropriate questions and I was like, wait a minute, they asked everybody that. They asked Buddha that, they asked all the girlfriends that, and he got really upset about that. And then it wasn’t until afterwards that he found out that own sister said that there were rumors that he was gay. Everybody in the house was kind of shocked.

Isn’t “Pretty” from Atlanta? *side eyes*
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Angel Lola Love shows her ASSets in XXL……

I’m no Dr. James Watson, but I wonder if models with grotesque asses carry their brains in ONE of their two oversized butt cheeks. Between Angel Lola Luv, Melyssa Ford, and Deelishis, I am POSITIVE I could earn a Nobel prize for my studies on big booty heffers who should just shut up and look pretty for the men who are going to skeet all over their pictures in the magazine. How do men beat off to a magazine picture anyway? It’s not like the girls move. They just sit there and stare at you while you defile them. Wouldn’t a video be better? Okay I digress……..

Beyonce Vs. Jay-Z:

So let’s keep it all the way real. I remember we were talking on South Beach earlier this year, and you were so consumed with taking it to the next level…
Never mind thinking beyond the average bitch, I think beyond the average dude. I’ve always compared myself to dudes. As much as I’m infatuated with Beyoncé, I don’t idolize Beyoncé. I idolize Jay-Z.

On Competition:

So what makes you hotter than every other video vixen out there?
A lot of ’em don’t get far, because they want the wrong things—they want the fame, without getting the accomplishments. The accomplishments aren’t their first priority. I’m far from these industry bitches {<---Now I know what Angel Lola Love's ass is filled with: delusions of grandeur! Get real bitch!--Slim} . If I’m not modeling, I’m back in D.C., on the block with my pajamas on and no makeup. I just might be the realest.

Now THAT is a classy lady right there. Jackie Kennedy-Onassis eat your HEART out. Okay well you’re in heaven somewhere, but still….eat your heart out from HEAVEN….
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Where is his girl???

The Game just HAD to let us know that his love affair with Britney Spears is over. Funny, I don’t think Britney would’ve smashed even if she weren’t a drunk cokewhore!

“Naw, I’m over Britney. I seen a picture where she had some extensions in her hair and some fishnet stockings with like Wonder Woman panties. I don’t know where she was coming from or where she was going, but she wasn’t coming to my house with that on,” Game told the cameras. “I’m breaking up with Britney.”

Britney: “Nigga what? Nigga who?”

Chapman set himself up for this fall by being so sanctimonious and preachy on his show. Every episode he’s telling people to straighten up and live pono, you know, like him. If he really had been reborn, that somehow made it easier to take his low-speed pursuits of petty criminals as entertainment and ignore the racist undertone of the show in which the saviors are white and the bad guys are brown.

For the past three years, Chapman has been another guy making a buck off Hawai’i, portraying it as a dirty, dangerous place, its drug-addled residents in desperate need of saving by Dog and his tattooed crew. He drops “aloha” and “brah” in every other sentence for effect, but where was the aloha in that phone call with his son? Clearly, when the cameras are off, so is the aloha.

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Queen Latifah tell ‘em……..

“Beauty is not just a white girl. It’s so many different flavors and shades,” the 37-year-old rapper-actress tells People magazine in its latest issue. “It’s good for regular girls because the meter (for beauty) has been a slim white girl.”

(From People via Crunk And Disorderly)

Essence.com: And what about Mychal? Does he seem different?

M.B.: Yes, but not a lot different. He still likes having fun, talking and laughing with his friends, but being locked up for nine months made him grow up a lot quicker and become a man, a better person. He just knows how to handle life better.

Essence.com: Have you talked to Mychal about staying out of trouble?

M.B.: Oh yes, we’ve been having those conversations for the last ten months. He knows not to get in trouble because he doesn’t want to go back to jail and he knows that people will be quick to get him back in there. He knows it won’t take much for him to end up in jail again.

Good to see him out but if he messes this up and gets in trouble again, I’ll light his ass on fire my damned self.

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Soulja Boy on longevity to XXL:

It’s important for me to have longevity in the music industry to show people that it’s not just a record. The song, “Crank That,” because the name of the dance is Soulja Boy, it’s just for people who don’t know who I am. All my fans, all my 10-million-strong fans, they know Soulja Boy. They understand what’s going on. So once the album drops, they ain’t got no worries. But for other people, they’re kinda skeptical about it. But after the album drops, and after they see what’s goin on later down the line, they’ll be like, “Oh, okay. We was wrong.”

Oh honey………
I wish I could just give him a hug because this is the end of the road for that guy. He’s like the guy that did the Cha Cha Slide….