Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch…

Beyonce is the only “meatball in the rice.” *snickers*

What do all four of these girls have in common, aside from showing more crotch than Miss Peaches at Body Tap??? They all made Santa’s naughty list for 2007.

Beyonce came in at number four on the naughty list, while Britney Spears grabbed the top spot. Paris Hilton followed at number two and Lindsay Lohan rounded out the top four at number three.

So how do you define “nice”? For kids, it simply comes down to “cleaning up and doing chores,” “sharing” and “being honest and polite” as a way to get on Santa’s good side. And if you’re wondering how they classified being naughty, the kids cited such things as “not listening to parents,” “being mean and bullying,” and “being snobby.”

See what showing your girly bits gets you little girls? NADA! Ask me I know!

I’m just glad that I’m not on the naughty list this year. Santa gave me hard rocks, but they weren’t two pieces of coal I’ll tell ya that…….*shivers*
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(Photo spotted at PerezHilton.com)

There really are NO words. It sounds crazy, but then again looking at this picture of Britney and knowing what a big slut Paris is, I would not be surprised.

This is what happens when you’re a ho and your “sourpuss” has seen more action than Jenna Jameson and Karrine “Superhead” Steffans combined. Hmmm….that’s a lot of wang…..

IN THE latest battle between the wild girls of Hollywood, Britney Spears has reportedly threatened to leak footage of Paris Hilton in a lesbian romp.

The singer and her pals sent the heiress a letter warning her that they would leak the footage, which shows Hilton in a compromising position with one of Spears’ friends, unless her attitude changed.

“The letter warns Paris that if she continues being rude to people, the footage will be leaked online,” says an insider.

The former friends are said to have fallen out at Spears’ birthday bash on the weekend after Hilton snubbed her.

But Hilton isn’t taking the threat seriously.

“It’s obvious Britney and her bratty pals are being silly. Paris laughed when she got the letter and said it was c–p,” a source close to Hilton told the London Daily Mail.

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Oh RLY?

Brandy’s untalented little brother, and amateur D-list porn star, Ray-J is hanging on to those last 30 seconds of fame the best way he knows how.

According to Janet Charlton and Ballerstatus.com, Ray-J has released an underground rap album/mixtape rife with filth and mysogyny.

Via a new mixtape, titled Ray J Unkut, created with DJ Kay Slay, he talks about Kim and their relationship, among other things. It features tracks such as “No Porno Sh–,” “Spendin’ All My Bitches’ Cash” and “Kim K Message (Parts 1 & 2),” a remix of Kim’s private voicemails to Ray J recorded shortly after news of the sex tape broke.

“What I want to do is make sure people are entertained with great stories, and that’s what I deliver on this CD,” he said. “I’m puttin’ it all out on the table. I talk about my boys f—in’ their homegirls and Paris [Hilton] don’t like it… I’m incorporating my life into my music, which is the only honest way to be.”

He even alleges and I am sure it is 100% true that Paris Hilton gave him herpes. WTF? And this cat has a six film deal with porno giant Vivid Entertainment???? He better be wearing a full body condom for his scenes.

I cannot even BEGIN to understand how anyone would defend this pop tart. It’s not like she gives a crap. But one chick decided to go crazy for Brit-Brit. My question is why are we standing up for a coked out, slutbag whore who used to rub elbows with KNOWN racists? *ahem Paris Hilton ahem*

A few weeks ago I reported that Paris Hilton was planning a trip to kill all the inhabitants of Rwanda by spraying genital herpes. As if it weren’t bad enough that ONE air-headed, functionally retarded, supremacist ding-dong was going, Lindsay Lohan has made plans to go to Africa as well. She sat down with In Touch Weekly and Perez Hilton had the interview. Jesus be some Zulu warriors..

ITW: There has been talk that you’ve got a big charity trip in the works, too.

L.L.: I’m planning a trip to Africa {Seattle Slim WEEPS and gnashes teeth in anguish} during the second week in December. I’m working with the American Red Cross, but it is not finalized yet.

If she finalizes this, I’m getting my Lee Harvey Oswald on and taking her out from the grassy knoll before she even HITS the tarmac.

Isn’t she a little too old for this? Isn’t she just two steps away from needing a cocktail of metamucil and geritol? I mean damn….

In a twist of bizarre judgment, Pamela Anderson married Paris Hilton’s ex-boyfriend Rick Salomon. Oh don’t remember who that guy is? It’s this guy.

Pamela Anderson has said “I do” for the third time to longtime pal Rick Salomon.

The pair tied the knot Saturday night in Las Vegas at the Mirage Hotel before Anderson’s children and members of her family, sources confirm to PEOPLE.

A conventional marriage it wasn’t, as the nuptials actually took place in an hour-and-a-half between Anderson’s two magic shows.

Anderson, 40, donned a white denim Valentino dress at the small ceremony. Wedding guests included Tobey Maguire, Lukas Haas and magician Hans Klok.

Questions:
1) Why was Tobey Maguire there? Was he trying to cut? You know it ain’t no fun if the homeys can’t have none.
2) What were the gifts they gave to the guests? Sex tapes? If so, what if someone brought the “One Night In Paris” sex tape? Would that be bad?
3) Has she seen the tape? His face? Hell has he seen her face without makeup???

I bet his joint smells like sweaty ass. Have a good time smashing Pamela!
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Well say bye to Africa. Satan’s bottom b-tch Paris Hilton is scheduled to visit Rwanda and the skank doesn’t EVEN know why…..

>”There’s so much need in that area, and I feel like if I go, it will bring more attention to what people can do to help,” Hilton said.

Tell us something we DON’T know Paris? Like really get into specifics!

If she were sincere then it would be great but she’s about as sincere as George Bush telling the country he knows what he’s doing. It’s a load of crap. The fact that she continuously wears diamonds, a source of conflict and oppression for many African nations, is an indicator that she’s just “fronting” and not real. I don’t care if she goes as long as she takes MAD suitcases of money with her and starts building hospitals. That would mean something. It’s insulting though and outright sick. She was just on tape spouting the word “n-gger” like it was going out of style.

I am saying a hearty and SINCERE “B-TCH PLEASE” to this one.

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“She’s a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her.”

Dave Grohl needs to win an “I Keeps It Real” award for speaking on that skank. If they had MY quote on her, the b*tch would cry for days. I am on record for the following:

Paris Hilton is a stankin’ azz hoe with a Gilgamek vagina that spits acid at the unwitting phallus thereby melting it into nothing. She smells like day old dog-vomit and her brain should be donated to cows so they can study it and then eat it.

I’m just saying but Negros love them some Paris Hilton huh? Racist tirade be damned, black hollywood kneegrows LOVE THE HELL OUT OF PAREEZY!!!

Look at Terrence Howard’s smile? It just screams “You sho’ is good to us niggras, Miss Paris! Sho nuff good to us indeed!”

SMDH!