Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch…

Yezzir!! Number 3 on my top 11 (lol I had to make room for my boyfriend) list of white men I would smash like Idaho potatoes, Leonardo DiCaprio, was there looking like the John Blayze. Oh yes! If I had to interview Leo for my blog, this is how it would most likely go down as soon as he came in the room:

Don’t act like y’all would tell Leo no, chics!! To quote Big Pun: “I regulate on any shade of that ass!” LOL

He brought his friend Tobey Maguire along too. You know they go back like babies with pacifiers. I see Tobey is putting on a little weight after “Spiderman.” Tobey did NOT make on my top 11 list but he gets an “honorable mention.” Which means that basically he can *bleep* me but that’s it! LMAO!!

p.s. Sense sexual tension in the blog today? YOU DAMNED SKIPPY! Shout outs to my girl over at Dirty Whore who puts me to shame!!! *blushes*

“Big pimpin’ spendin’ G’s….”
Look at Jack Nicholson just lounging surrounded by hoes! I was there too but I was somewhere off on the side. They made me put on an Afro wig and wear a leopard skin bikini and some fake tiger’s teeth jewelry. He refused to call me my Christian name, instead opting to call me “Tooki-Tooki.” Don’t ask me……

LOL! I bet his tits were bigger than everybody else’s there……

YES! Yeah it’s a slow gossip day. Never mind the fact that it’s Friday and I would rather be at home. This cheered me up a little though. Sexy Daniel Craig is slated to play James Bond again in the next installment. He’s already signed up for the next movie. No official title or plans for the movie have been announced.

I don’t care what they do. All I know is they better make sure that man walks up out of the water in some hot pants swim shorts again. I volunteer to be the oil girl. You know? The girl that rubs the oil all over his boooo-dy so that when he comes out the water he glistens. I must go now….I just drooled on my keyboard.

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When blogging you find good shit and then you find GOLDEN EGGS and this is one of them. YouTube is my vice. Anyway, check out this clip of this poor white guy being murdered by some black man’s penis. Jesus be Lorena Bobbitt. I admit I was ROLLING!!! Check it out. I think that this is a nightmare G.W. Bush had as a child growing up, which would explain the slow response to rebuilding parts of New Orleans after Katrina? I dunno….I’m just brainstorming.

The facial expressions destroyed me.

Rihanna recently told Giant that she is trying to shed her “generic shell”. For what? Another one? She’s got me f_cked up if she thinks I believe she crafted that herself. But anyway, she talks about how as a child she was exposed to her father’s crack addiction:

“I just knew that my mom and dad would always argue when there was a foil paper with an ashtray,” she says. “He would just go into the bathroom all the time. I didn’t know what it was. … [But] he knew that to get closer to [his kids], he had to cut that out. And he did.”

Damn! What with all the other sluts “starlets” vomiting and snorting their way around Hollyweird it’s almost refreshing to know Rihanna won’t be following in those footsteps. Too refreshing. She’s so boring. Do something like challenge Beyonce to a fight or get photographed leaving the club drunk, something! Otherwise we won’t believe you’re a “good girl gone bad.” And I am amused at them calling her a rock star. Jesus be some Aerosmith. Nice cover though!

I’d take Robin Thicke over Justin Timberlake any day. I just like the dude, drug use aside. In the new issue of Robin drops some knowledge on his wife, Paula Patton. Check out Giant mag for more! On newsstands June 5th!

ON STRAINS IN HIS MARRIAGE TO PAULA PATTON
“She was having sex scenes with the guy who won Album of the Year (Andre 3000), and I pretty much had no record deal. She didn’t come home during the three months of filming (Idlewild) because she was so focused. I started believing she didn’t need me anymore, and when she came home, I started projecting that onto her and pushing her away. That’s what ‘Complicated’ (a song from his album) is about – me saying, ‘I wish I could stop thinking I’m not good enough because, otherwise, I won’t be able to get this girl back.”

Uhh the kind folks over at Bossip seem to have uncovered the deal with Paula. Check them out for some juicy tidbits about her being one of them bisexuals. I have to be honest, it doesn’t sound good. See I don’t even know why he wastes his time on Paula. Hell no. She better get right or get left.

SOHH reported that prank phone call celebre Ralphige got an interesting phone call from Remy “My Hair Is The Devil On Speed” Ma….
Ooooh naughty girl!
click here to listen to snippet
I hope they don’t catch my accidental call to Matt Lauer where I told him that I was “putting butter on my booty” and he’s “got the paprika.”

Angelina Jolie looked gorgeous during opening weekend for the Cannes Film Festival. What a banger! We really hadn’t seen her on a red carpet for some time because she had been holding down the fort. But she didn’t miss a beat. Hair looks good, outfit is cute, makeup looks right. Certified winner! Of course hubby was there:

Brad is starting to age a little in the eyes but he still looks good. Brad is just classic. He’s like the Cary Grant of our time….just not gay.
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All I’ve got to say about these pics is anytime Robin, any time you want. *Goes to take cold shower*