Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch…

Our second most favorite drunkie and co-dependent crack whore*, Lindsay Lohan, decided to have a bottle of bubbly on New Year’s Eve! Did they teach her that in her AA meetings?

I see you Lindsay! Who wants to bet that she does some f*ckery again in 2008??

*Britney has number one on lock!

Beyonce is the only “meatball in the rice.” *snickers*

What do all four of these girls have in common, aside from showing more crotch than Miss Peaches at Body Tap??? They all made Santa’s naughty list for 2007.

Beyonce came in at number four on the naughty list, while Britney Spears grabbed the top spot. Paris Hilton followed at number two and Lindsay Lohan rounded out the top four at number three.

So how do you define “nice”? For kids, it simply comes down to “cleaning up and doing chores,” “sharing” and “being honest and polite” as a way to get on Santa’s good side. And if you’re wondering how they classified being naughty, the kids cited such things as “not listening to parents,” “being mean and bullying,” and “being snobby.”

See what showing your girly bits gets you little girls? NADA! Ask me I know!

I’m just glad that I’m not on the naughty list this year. Santa gave me hard rocks, but they weren’t two pieces of coal I’ll tell ya that…….*shivers*
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“If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home……”
Word on the ‘net is that Lindsay “Boozin’ Susan” Lohan is broke after spending thousands if not millions on her extravagant party lifestyle.

Troubled actor Lindsay Lohan has reportedly blown $7.7 million on her partying lifestyle, leaving her broke.

The ‘Mean Girls’ star has had to sell her properties and move in with billionaire friend Tom Gores, who is executive producer on her recent film ‘I Know Who Killed Me’, News of the World has reported.

The newspaper claims the 21-year-old’s fortune from movies ‘Mean Girls’ and ‘Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen’ has not been sufficient to fund her socialite lifestyle, riddled with boozy nights, extravagant hotel stays and rehab costs.

Lohan sold both her properties in Los Angeles and New York because she could not keep up with the mortgage payments.

In recent months she has spent more than $1 million on clothes, $70,000 in beauty salons, $1.1 million on 24-hour stand-by chauffeurs and $450,000 on a suite at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont hotel.

She was evicted from the opulent hotel after she failed to settle the tab for a supply of $600 bottles of Cristal champagne.

Wait a minute! Did they just say that she spent over $1 million on a 24-hour stand-by chauffeur service????? But she still drove drunk and got in trouble for DUIs??? I bet that company is enjoying nice bonuses this year thanks to this dimwit.

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A few weeks ago I reported that Paris Hilton was planning a trip to kill all the inhabitants of Rwanda by spraying genital herpes. As if it weren’t bad enough that ONE air-headed, functionally retarded, supremacist ding-dong was going, Lindsay Lohan has made plans to go to Africa as well. She sat down with In Touch Weekly and Perez Hilton had the interview. Jesus be some Zulu warriors..

ITW: There has been talk that you’ve got a big charity trip in the works, too.

L.L.: I’m planning a trip to Africa {Seattle Slim WEEPS and gnashes teeth in anguish} during the second week in December. I’m working with the American Red Cross, but it is not finalized yet.

If she finalizes this, I’m getting my Lee Harvey Oswald on and taking her out from the grassy knoll before she even HITS the tarmac.

This is one of my favorite songs by Supertramp! I finally bought the album “Breakfast In America” on Monday and I really am glad I did. For those of you who are fans of “Cupid’s Chokehold/Breakfast In America” by Gym Class Heroes, then take a listen to this because this is the song they sampled. What you do realize when listening to the song though is that they are talking about celebrity and ambition, the kind that afflicts Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, in America. Check it out.

Best part of the song is when he says, “I’m a winner. I’m a sinner. Do you want my autograph?” Story of my LIFE!! LOL

I won’t get too far into it, because TMZ has all the rundown minute by minute (they are good at what they do lol). By now you all know that Lindsay’s dumb ass was caught for yet ANOTHER DUI and to make matters worse, they found COKE in her pocket. Apparently homegirl was chasing her publicist’s car (the publicist quit). WOW!!! I knew this was going to happen. This reminds me of that episode of Chappelle’s Show when they had the player hater’s ball. Dave’s character told the crowd: “I hope all the bad things in the world happen to you and only you.”
Now I don’t wish death, pestilence and all that on Lindsay, but f*ck her. Her, Britney, Paris, Nicole and that lot who is rich for NO reason and wasting it on drugs need to lose ALL their money, and work 9-5 jobs like you and I. That’ll teach them. Ungrateful ass broads……..

I hope the b*tch has to shop at Value Village for the rest of her LIFE she loses all her money. What do you have to do coke for ass????? You’re rich!!! If I had $5,000 to my name I would be singing with little blue birds and squirrels on some Snow White sh*t………..

Stankin’ ass hoes……

Splash News has gotten a hold of some Myspace messages between Lindsay Lohan and nasty ass Samantha Ronson. Thank God and all His angels I am not as ill right now because I would be sick all over this computer.

“Your [sic] all I have to live for, babe. I want to marry you and have children with you. I need you to live!” Lindsay typed.

“You still have me. I’m here for you. With you. She went on to say that she would quit doing drugs if only Lindsay would tell her that she loved her! At 12:36 a.m. Lindsay replied, “I love you. You love me. Why don’t we f_ _ _ and make a family…”

I would say when Samantha grows a dick but I think she already has one……

Page Six is reporting that Vanessa Minnilo may need to “pump brakes” on her behavior or she will stay unemployed. Oh yeah…she’s not working. Recent photos of her and Lindsay Lohan posing for the cameras on some real dummy sh!t with knives at each other’s throat may be the final straw for the young D-lister. Reports of her diva-like behavior don’t help either:

When producers flew her to Los Angeles to cover the Grammys, “she was extremely high maintenance,” said one source. “She insisted they fly her own hair and makeup people and her personal assistant out with her every time she flew to L.A. She only flew first class and stayed at the Four Seasons, and then she didn’t want to work.

“Vanessa wants to be a celebrity, not interview them,” said the source. “She wouldn’t conduct post-show interviews because she wanted to party. She expected to be paid a full-time salary for a part-time job.”

Page Six spotted Minnillo at one of the fall fashion shows changing seats for 15 minutes until she was satisfied. She’s been known to bark orders at cocktail waitresses and cause scenes when she goes club hopping at night.

Who does this broad think she is??? Last I checked, Nick Lachey wasn’t Mr. Daddy Warbucks his damned self, and with her unemployed I must ask: Where is the money coming from??? He should have a talk with her along these lines.

Nick: “Vanessa, girl….oooh you better toe that damned line. You know that money from Jessica ’bout to run out!!!”

More pics of Vanessa and Lindsay at Gossip Genius. Click Here!

This was about the ONLY interesting or funny part of the movie awards. Honestly I don’t think anyone even showed up. Anyway, check out Sarah Silverman in this short clip calling Lindsay Lohan a “little pig” and embarassing Paris Hilton. Oooh that saying that goes “God doesn’t like ugly” seems apt for Paris who was VISIBLY displeased. And the world’s tiniest violin is playing in the background……