Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch…

Rap did NOT have a good year this year and we all know it. If the sh*t ain’t dead to the lames then it damned sure is on life support and ready to flatline. Thanks Atlanta!!!

Lupe managed to be one of the few rappers to escape with a good release he can be proud of, coming in at #15 on the charts. Chingy is literally scraping the bottom of the barrel…….

According to numbers released by Neilsen SoundScan, Chicago rapper Lupe Fiasco sold 144,079 copies of his sophomore album The Cool this week, debuting at #15 on the Billboard chart. While his 2006 debut album Food & Liquor debuted at #8 last September, it sold significantly less than The Cool, moving nearly 81,000 units after it was leaked months in advance.

St. Louis rapper Chingy’s fourth album Hate It or Love It, his first on Def Jam since reuniting with Ludacris’ Disturbing Tha Peace, also debuts at #84 this week after selling 31,517 copies. This is less than half the sales of his 2006 album Hoodstar, which sold just over 70,000 copies to debut at #8.

Ludacris and DTP must be proud………..

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I STRONGLY encourage you to watch this video so that you can see what pure f*ckery looks like and never be mistaken about it again.

We all know that Baby Bash and Sean Kingston are two of the worst artists in the hip-hop/r&b game right now, but they had never put their sh*ttyness together…..until now. This song is puerile at best. The video? It looks like some kid’s project for his Art Institute of Seattle A/V class. See for yourself, but try not to go into an epileptic fit:

We better enjoy his crazy raps while they last because Lil’ Weezy doesn’t plan on rapping much longer.

The 25-year-old star, real name Dwayne Michael Carter Jr., has no intention of rapping into his 30s, and he wants to join the likes of Jay-Z and Nelly as sports moguls.
He says, “When I’m 30 or 35, I don’t want to be into this s**t no more. I want to own a basketball team or some kind of team.
“That’s why I’m in the studio every night. Now, I’m 25. You think I’m gonna be doing this s**t 10 years from now? Or even five? That’s my drive.”

Or it could be that in five to ten years, rappers like him won’t have a place anymore?

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This year it was all about everybody getting their shine and their little awards and their shine on. Jennifer Hudson and Forest Whitaker held it down for good black actors, Martin Scorcese FINALLY got his award for “The Departed,” it was a good look this year.

Unfortunately, the ghetto awards show also made it to the forefront. I mean what the HELL were the Dirty Awards? The Ozone Awards? We didn’t care about them LAST year, so where the hell did they come from? Add the Ghetto Diamond Awards to the list of tragic award shows embarassing black folk. What exactly do the Ghetto Diamond Awards recognize? F*ckery?

I will commend Rick Ross for oiling up his pube beard. I can tell he used that afro-sheen in a loving manner. Can anyone tell me why this jackhole has a medallion of himself in YELLOW DIAMONDS COMPLETE WITH BEARD???????? It doesn’t even look like him. It looks like Mr. T without a mohawk. But I would “motorboat” if only I could drug him and rob him for his pendant while he sleeps post-coitus……..

And I just threw up in my mouth. F*ck it. I’ll just stay without the money.

Okay I hope that next year this ends. Body paint is not very flattering on anyone if you ask me, but it damned sure isn’t flattering on these girls. Did they hold casting calls in a barn???

Their stylist must be a 3 year old with undiagonsed ADD.

*side eyes home girl in the middle* She looks like a Ghetto Oscar statue……..

Wow! I think this is Plies’ fifth video and his album hasn’t gone platinum yet. It’s clear that his label wasn’t even trying to put forth effort into this video. It’s cheap, they couldn’t even get good video broads, and the director damned sure wasn’t interested in making him look good.

How tall is Plies anyway? 3′5″ tall or something???

*side eyes* I’m just saying, don’t be the next Mike Vick son. In his video, Floyd “Money” Mayweather is talking about making it rain, storm and how “we got them guns!” I bet the ATF and the FBI just got hard thinking about taking this cat down…..

WHO lets this child make videos? WHO?? *cocks AR-15* I am serious. What gets me is the part where he says the teacher is trying to get him to go to school and so he comes to the house. What does Soulja Boy do? He yells “Yahh b*tch! Yahh!” at the teacher. *SMDH* There are NO words.

All I can say about Kia Shine is that he really needs to step his lyricist game UP substantially. This song is wiggidy-wiggidy-wiggidy-WHACK! Word to Kriss Kross!

The whole song is about how rich he is and all the crap he’s got on and the video reflects it. He might as well call this “Krispy (The Whack Ass Remix)” because that’s basically what it is. He even bit off of Nelly’s “Country Grammar” video a little bit with his stale self. The good people of Memphis that were in the video should have had the good sense to rob free him of that gregarious jewelry he was wearing. They could use it. This twit looks like a bush baby.

Oh and THAT much jewelry is soooooooo girly.

Congratulations to Amy Winehouse and Kanye West for raking in the Grammy nominations! There’s been so much crap on the album charts, these two deserve it. But ummm….where’s Britney Spears? She DESERVES a Grammy even if she missed the deadline! Where’s MY album? Read the list of nominations while I get my agent on the phone.

Selected List of Grammy Nominations

Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocal · Bon Jovi - “(You Want To) Make a Memory” · Daughtry - “Home” · Maroon 5 - “Makes Me Wonder” · Plain White T’s - “Hey There Delilah” · U2 - “Window in the Skies”

Best Hard Rock Performance · Evanescence - “Sweet Sacrifice” · Foo Fighters - “The Pretender” · Ozzy Osbourne - “I Don’t Wanna Stop” · Queens of the Stone Age - “Sick, Sick, Sick” · Tool - “The Pot”

Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocal · Daughtry - “It’s Not Over” · Green Day - “Working Class Hero” · Nickelback - “If Everyone Cared” · U2 - “Instant Karma” · The White Stripes - “Icky Thump”

Best Metal Performance · As I Lay Dying - “Nothing Left” · King Diamond - “Never Ending Hill” · Machine Head - “Aesthetics of Hate” · Shadows Fall - “Redemption” · Slayer - “Final Six”

Best Rock Song · Lucinda Williams - “Come On” · The White Stripes - “Icky Thump” · Daughtry - “It’s Not Over” · Foo Fighters - “The Pretender” · Bruce Springsteen - “Radio Nowhere”

Best Rock Album · Daughtry - Daughtry · John Fogerty - Revival · Foo Fighters - Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace · Bruce Springsteen - Magic · Wilco - Sky Blue Sky

Best Pop Vocal Album · Bon Jovi - Lost Highway · Feist - The Reminder · Maroon 5 - It Won’t Be Soon Before Long · Paul McCartney - Memory Almost Full · Amy Winehouse - Back to Black

Best Female R&B Vocal Performance · Mary J. Blige - “Just Fine” · Fantasia - “When I See U” · Alicia Keys - “No One” · Chrisette Michele - “If I Have My Way” · Jill Scott - “Hate on Me”

Best Male R&B Vocal Performance · Raheem DeVaughn - “Woman” · Musiq Soulchild - “B.U.D.D.Y.” · Ne-Yo - “Because of You” · Prince - “Future Baby Mama” · Tank - “Please Don’t Go”

Best R&B Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocals · R. Kelly (featuring Usher) - “Same Girl” · Chaka Khan (featuring Mary J. Blige) - “Disrespectful” · Rihanna (featuring Ne-Yo) - “Hate That I Love You” · Angie Stone (featuring Betty Wright) - “Baby” · T-Pain (featuring Akon) - “Bartender”

Best R&B Song · India.Arie - “Beautiful Flower” · Rihanna (featuring Ne-Yo) - “Hate That I Love You” · Alicia Keys - “No One” · Musiq Soulchild - “Teachme” · Fantasia - “When I See U”

Best Contemporary R&B Album · Akon - Konvicted · Keyshia Cole - Just Like You · Fantasia - Fantasia · Emily King - East Side Story · Ne-Yo - Because of You

Best Rap Performance by a Duo or Group · Common (featuring Kanye West) - “Southside” · Fat Joe (featuring Lil Wayne) - “Make It Rain” · Shop Boyz - “Party Like a Rockstar” {<---Yeah RIGHT! Damn if they'll win anything *lol*-Slim} · UGK (featuring Outkast) - “Int’l Players Anthem (I Choose You)” · Kanye West, Nas and KRS-One - “Better Than I’ve Ever Been”

West was nominated twice in the Best Rap Song category, grabbing nods for his tracks “Good Life” and “Can’t Tell Me Nothing,” which gives him the upper edge over fellow nominees 50 Cent (for “Ayo Technology”), T.I. (”Big Things Poppin’ “), and Soulja Boy “Crank That).” ‘Ye’s song “Stronger” will face off against 50’s “I Get Money,” Common’s “The People,” Jay-Z’s “Show Me What You Got,” and T.I.’s “Big Things Poppin’,” for Best Rap Solo Performance.

Nas’ “Hip Hop Is Dead” was also nominated *YEAH!!!!* I‘ll be sure to have a few Molotov cocktails ready JUST in case Soulja Boy wins. If he wins, the government better declare marshall law because the world as we know it will end……..

The Grammy’s will be held on February 10th!

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Well seeing as how Foxy is in jail, Lil’ Kim is struggling to stay relevant, Eve is damn near off the radar, Trina still sucks and all the others aren’t worth mentioning right now, it only makes sense that Kid Sister would have a shot. It’s better than talking about “bootylicious bubble yum.”

Between this and Lil’ Mama’s “Lip Gloss,” I’m set on the beauty shop rap. Maybe I could make money talking about a Brazilian Bikini Wax?

“I’m killin’ these hoes with their crotch all messy,
I go to the salon to brazilian wax my pu…..” I’ll leave it at that. I don’t want y’all to steal my verses!