Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch…

(Photo of the Hitler youth new cast courtesy of Life & Style)
Life & Style Weekly reports that MTV is set to do a third season of “Laguna Beach.” They have changed the name to “Newport Harbor: The Real Orange County.” *sigh*

This is obviously scripted. I mean it has to be right? There can’t be this many vapid, vacous people in Orange County can there?????

Maybe I need to produce my own show on YouTube or Seattle Public Access. I’m going to call it “Enumclaw: The Real Butt F*ck Egypt of Washington State” and make mo’ money, mo’ money, mo’ money!!!

VH1 “Flavor Of Love alum” skank and “Charm School” reject Schatar “Hottie” Taylor talks to Essenceabout the show:

Because of my level of sophistication, I am saying the winner’s persona clearly reflects and defines the belief and opinions about young women that are held by the one who judged her. They should have thrown them all out and started all over. My fans, whom I love so much, and my family, who is very proud of my accomplishments, say I am the Charmed One and I am somebody. I am always a winner in life and in living because I’ve always known the secret that the rest of the ladies are only now discovering: enjoying life and drawing goodness to you.

Now I know this is Schatar’s way of staying relevant. It really is not over for her. She will be on “The Surreal Life” sooner than later. TRUST! She even has a website. That broad laughs all the way to the bank ON US. When she gets home she takes off the wig, the makeup, the clothes and sits in front of a huge fireplace in her mansion laughing like The Joker at how she really has us fooled. At least I hope so. How do you leave the house thinking that looking like the way she does is alright????? Chick stop!
Schatar:‘I got these motherf*ckers on lock! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bitches!

If any of you remember the 1998 remake of Godzilla you just may remember Diddy’s song “Come With Me.” It’s a cover a poor excuse for one at that of Led Zeppelin’s classic “Kashmir.” While it may have been popular at the time, it’s reputation for being one of the worst covers FINALLY caught up to it. Let’s not front, Diddy couldn’t even rap “Old Yeller” right if his life depended on it. He should never rap again. Maybe it’s because he has a mouth like a trout? According to the NY Post:

SEAN “Diddy” Combs has made the list of “100 Worst Cover Songs of All Time” as compiled by pop culture Web site Retrocrush. Diddy gets whacked for his sacrilegious rap version of Led Zeppelin’s hard-rocking “Kashmir,” which he retitled “Come With Me” in the remake of “Godzilla.” Paris Hilton and Tiny Tim are razzed for their takes of Rod Stewart’s “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy,” the Pussycat Dolls are slapped for doing Soft Cell’s “Tainted Love,” and Kelly Osbourne is chastised for her remake of Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach.”

I will say for all the song’s huge sucking power, it introduced me to “Kashmir.” I am the biggest Led Zeppelin fan in the world. So I appreciate that song. As for the others, why am I not surprised? The Pussycat Dolls need to remember that they have the word “pussy” in their name. Don’t try to reach the sun girls, you sell pussy, tits and ass. There are NO words for Kelly Osbourne. She knows she was dead ass wrong.

These two flowers of female virtue, Candice Lang and Cedra Neeley, arrested for robbery? It can’t be! Just look at the crusty scab of virtue on Cedra’s face and the horribly drawn eyebrows! And Candice! Nobody would believe a dark goddess with such an angelic used, blonde weave would injure anyone, right? Well apparently they did, and on several occassions. A male tourist from Minnesota came in to New York for a good time with a girl named “Tiffany” after he answered “her” ad on Craigslist, but found himself jumped and beaten when they tried to run up on his pockets. The girls were arrested on robbery charges for the incident with this nasty son of a b!tch tourist. I can’t believe it!
It’s not the first time either. These skanks have been robbing cats all the way to New York from California and Las Vegas.

The tourist, whose name was not released, was assaulted and robbed by the woman and her female partner, who was hiding in the hotel room closet, police said.

Candice Lang, 19, and Cedra Neely, 18, each stand about 5-feet-2 and weigh 110 pounds - but police say they’ve become quite the pilfering pair.

They’ve been arrested twice in the past week for robbing and assaulting their unsuspecting johns in midtown hotels, a police source said.

I am still laughing at the black chic’s weave. DAMNED SHAME!
At first I felt bad for the guy, but single or not he’s still nasty. I guess he thought the prostitutes in Minnesota weren’t good enough, or maybe Myspace stock in hoes went down.

Apparently Tom Cruise’s bottom b!tch Katie Holmes is not pleased with her name being used for non-Scientological purposes. A young skank woman who claims to be a “virgin” says she would like to turn her first experience into a movie…..a porno movie to be exact. She wants to put it right out there so she can “learn from it.” She’s changed her name to Katee Holmes for her porn name and the real Holmes is not pleased. I wouldn’t be either! I mean this is the year of the Ho for real. Add that to your Chinese calendar and smoke it! I mean I certainly can empathize with Katie. That happened to me once. Mmm hmmm…some girl wanted to “honor” me by getting ran through by the football team here at some high school in Tacoma but instead of playing off of my name, to capture my true essence she said, she changed her name to Skeezy McSleazy! I have NO idea what that’s about. From the NY Post

A blond-haired, blue-eyed fashion student, who claims to be a virgin, has changed her name to Katee Holmes and is launching a porn career in which she’ll be deflowered in her first movie. And that’s got the real Katie Holmes’ camp in an uproar.

“It’s a really cheap shot,” a rep for the actress, who’s married to Tom Cruise, told Page Six. But Shy Love, an adult film vet who manages the 5-foot-9, 122-pound Katee - a small-town girl from Illinois - insisted: “Katee is using the name as a tribute to Katie, who has always portrayed an innocence in everything she’s done, beginning with ‘Dawson’s Creek.’

Hell I don’t know WHAT Katie’s worrying about! Tom will make homegirl disappear in an instant. Watch! They’re going to find her on the set butt-naked, with her mouth sticky and a “note” explaining why she took so many Quaaludes.