Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch…

It’s 2:03 am my time and I didn’t really feel like addressing some of the other folks who were there so I got the best of the best. Believe me there were folks there that I thought were dead or trapped on an island somewhere like Won-G. Don’t remember Won-G? He did this wonderful video with Paris Hilton. Ah yes, how could I forget her “Nigga please” look she gave him when they were laying on the bed?? By the way it is safe for work. It’s a music video. Moving on!

Janet must’ve hit up her trainers HARD to fit her ass into that dress. The funny thing about Janet is she doesn’t really look like this. I might just sue her for false advertisement. We know you have a big butt Miss Jackson. That’s how you tote Jermaine around. Just clenched all in the butt cheeks.

Eva Pigford is still probably the ONLY America’s Next Top Model winner to have a life. Unfortunately, the outfit she wore reminded me of one of the stripper get-ups I used to see at this strip club in Texas. I call it Haute Titty Bar Couture….

Jill Scott looked fabulous. I don’t like the hair that much but she does look lovely!

I really like Niecy Nash. And she has a signature style that I like. I just hope she ventures out more from it.

Tyler Perry was there. I guess he went for the “I’m the director” look. Barry Bonds made an appearance as well. I hope he enjoys himself, especially with his skanky ass jumpoff mistress coming to air his ass out and get some checks in now that he dumped her.

Jenna Jameson looks like sh*t on a stick. PLEASE don’t piss on my head and tell me it’s raining. She is either anorexic or bulimic and I’m sticking to it. Her lips have taken on the look of her very “used” vajayjay. NOT a good look…..

Ms. Jay from America’s Next Top Model. And moving right along….

I HATE you Amanda Lepore. We must live in a wonderful world where ugly goes on looking like this and NOBODY goes the f*ck off on her in the streets. I would if she were near my kids just for scaring them.

Mya I have no words. Actually I am LYING. This looks like some 6 year old’s Disney “Princesses” dress that had seen ONE too many tea parties. This is so FUG, I just want to slap her. When your friends let you walk out the house looking a mess, I call it the “Britney Spears Factor” and Mya is definitely giving me that vibe.

When I came across these pictures I thought the photographer fucked up and took a picture of a pole in the club. Then I looked closer and realized it was a human skeleton wearing some skin. Afraid, I almost picked up my cell to call the Miami Beach Coroner to inform them that one of their corpses was walking around club Mansion in Miami Beach. But after further observation, I noticed that it was only Jaslene Gonzalez and her anorexic skinny ass. Jaslene was the winner of America’s Next Top Model cycle 8 and I don’t know WHY. She needs to get right. She looks FUG as hell and that skinny thing she’s doing is beyond gross. She must be abstaining from sex because a good dick down would probably gut her.

This is a little late, but I had to comment on Jaslene winning America’s Next Top Model last night. Could the judges not find anything redeeming about the other two? This by far is the worst pick they’ve had in the history of the show and I don’t foresee here going very far at all. But then again winning ANTM isn’t much of a prize considering it really means nothing in the long run. Let’s face it Jaslene looks like she just successfully completed a stint at Auschwitz. For weeks and months Tyra went off about weight but she picks a girl who is so skinny she looks deformed and macabre; even ghoulish. I was rooting for Natasha myself. Oh well…*shrugs* it’s just ANTM.