Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch…

I LOVE Simon Cowell; really I do. His wicked wit and honesty paired with little peeks at his lovely chest hair get my motor running. I won’t lie. I’d let granddaddy smash. This, however, is ridiculous.

In looking at Simon’s crispy skin, I start to think about beef jerky or some really nice Louis Vuitton luggage. Actually now I’m craving bacon.

Gotta love melanomas!

*Singing “Should Auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind…”*
I guess T-Pain will have to buy you all “a drank” because like I predicted in yesterday’s blog (go read it if you haven’t!) Melinda Doolittle went home last night. Ah…how good it feels to be right! My predictions were correct! Look I know that people talk about votes and the like, and yeah I’m sure that votes came into play, but after letting Ruben Studdard win….I doubt the Idol producers were going to slip on their game out of “kindness” again. After all the Idol does need to make money. And Melinda couldn’t really seal the deal. So Mel-D was voted off last night, BUT it’s not over. Not by a long shot. Like most idol alumni that finish third, she’ll still get a deal, and she’ll sell but she’ll probably go straight to the “Chitlin Circuit” (aka BET) first because that’s a safe bet. Hell it worked for Pretty Ricky and B2K didn’t it…

Should I predict who’ll win next? Hmm this is truly unprecedented. I would dare say that Blake Lewis will win. It’s prime time to invest stock in the “I sing blue-eyed soul and soak up these chic’s panties” stock that Robin Thicke and Justin Timberlake bought into.

Yeah I know I wasn’t right for using that picture but it works. Hey why am I explaining myself? It’s my blog! *lol* Okay enough buggin out. I won’t front like I watched American Idol last night because I didn’t. Ever since they voted off my panty soaker Chris Richardson, my heart stopped being in it. But I didn’t need to watch it to make what I think is an accurate prediction. Let’s be real cats. Melinda is cute, she’s solid, she’s whatever right? She’s a great singer. No doubt about that. But LIKE I predicted LAST WEEK to my friends that Lakisha would get the boot, so will Melinda. Why? In American Idol, being a good singer doesn’t always equal winning. Being an okay singer, with a cute face, body that can be reworked (I’m talking to you Kelly and Carrie), and an image that can go in some profitable direction (African-Americans, young white girls, hot blooded guys). Melinda can’t really go in any direction the way Jordan and Blake can. Sure Melinda could get into the African-American market easily, but when competing with Rihanna, Beyonce, Fantasia even, she’ll be hard-pressed to even corner that market.

Blake is a bit of a Timberlake biter…but “blue-eyed soul” (Robin Thicke, Justin) as they call it is hot right now and it’s cross-cultural. He stands to make alot of money if we just remove some of his “cheesey” factor. And he’s sexy too. He could sell albums on sheer sex appeal and that’s what it comes down to.

Jordin is a little more difficult to market than Blake. To be honest, NOT that I agree because she looks great, but I do call it as I see it. She’ll have to lose weight and sex it up a little (Katherine McPhee ahem cough choke) otherwise they’ll stick her into a demographic of Tween girls who like “I Love Raven”, “Kim Possible” and whatever is on Noggin.

I’ll watch tonight to see if I’m right. But would you if you knew that to the producers “if it ain’t about money, it doesn’t make sense?”

Photos by American Idol