Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch… »

Jan 2

Thank God Christmas Is Over………

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2007 Year In Review, Damn You YouTube, WTF | icon4

01 2nd, 2008| icon3

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How did I miss this? I know Christmas is over and all and after seeing this I’m kind of glad for it. I don’t know what to think about this dude. Quite frankly I don’t know if he likes to put his “yule log” into stockings or if he likes to take the “yule log” into his…………

Dec 31

2007’s Most Disturbed/Freakiest YouTube Clip

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12 31st, 2007| icon3

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There were plenty of funny clips and videos on YouTube this year, but none of them are as disturbing, freaky or just flat out questionable as this video and the people behind it.

They came [most likely on the couch], they saw, and they conquered all things questionably homoerotic. They made the sensual seduction of furniture seem even more vile than anyone could begin to imagine. They made us feel so sorry for that poor ottoman, that we wanted to start a “Stop The Sexual Abuse Of Ottomans, Couches and Floors” group. Well I did anyway. They also made us question what our boyfriends could really be doing when they claim they are getting together to play “Halo.” Hell it even made some of us send evil side eye glances to the couch I’m sure. Without further ado…..the winners of 2007’s Most Disturbed/Freakiest YouTube Clip are Peer Pressure ~~aka those dancing closet homo dudes that dry hump couches and shit~~

Dec 31

2007’s Most Overplayed Rap and R&B Songs!

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2007 Year In Review, Diddy, Keyshia Cole, Rihanna, Soulja Boy, T-Pain | icon4

12 31st, 2007| icon3

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Rihanna and T-Pain were just some of the offenders……

2007 had some of the MOST overexposed and overplayed songs I have ever heard in my life. Hell I thought the 90s were bad………

With the lack of good music getting hardly any play, radio and television made sure to try to forced feed us with pure f*ckery. Here are the TOP 5 most OVERPLAYED [and crappiest mind you] songs of 2007…..

1) Rihanna “Umbrella”– This song made me want to drink arsenic, but not before running into my nearest department store’s umbrella section, dousing them with gasoline then lighting them bitches on fire, all the while singing “ella, ella, eh, eh, eh..” butt naked, except for some ankle socks. Thank God I was pregnant and wasn’t able to fulfill my mission. I’ll always hate Rihanna for this…….

2) T-Pain “Buy U A Drank”–Let’s be honest for a minute. This cat couldn’t buy you nor I a drink and that’s real talk. I don’t care if the guy has a hundred dollar bill tatted on his cock and I like to blow money……I want nothing from him.

3) Kanye West “Stronger”– I’m a fan of the original song/sample by Daft Punk (huge Daft stan) and he did it no justice but whatever…….

4) Diddy Featuring Keyshia Cole “Last Night”– Never let this rabbit tooth bastard sing on a track EVER again. You’ve been warned world….*shines ninja stars*

5) Soulja Boy “Crank Dat“– Yes the dance is fun and I probably will “crank dat” after I have my baby and I have a couple of drinks in my system BUT the song was all over the damned radio, all over ringtones, all over everywhere. I bet if we play it backwards, we’ll hear Satan telling us to sacrifice our parents.

Dec 31

Best Of The Beatniks 2007: Death By Penis

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12 31st, 2007| icon3

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YouTube must have removed the full version, but this snippet is just as effective in capturing a death by penis.

*sigh* Now I know how to answer when someone asks me how I want to die.

Dec 26

Britney Spears Is Crack Whore Of The Year For 2007!!!!

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2007 Year In Review, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Pete Doherty | icon4

12 26th, 2007| icon3

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Congratulations from The Beatniks baby!!

Neglecting her kids, allegations of f*cking anything that walked (male or female) to include a paparazzo last weekend, failed drug tests, missed depositions, loving gas station bathrooms and more…….

Ah yes Britney came out front this year! It was a tough choice between the ENTIRE cast of VH1’s Rock Of Love, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Pete Doherty.

Maybe next year little sis will beat her out???

Dec 18

Best And Worst Of 2007: Year Of The Ghetto Award Show

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2007 Year In Review, If Hip-Hop Should Die Before I Wake | icon4

12 18th, 2007| icon3

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This year it was all about everybody getting their shine and their little awards and their shine on. Jennifer Hudson and Forest Whitaker held it down for good black actors, Martin Scorcese FINALLY got his award for “The Departed,” it was a good look this year.

Unfortunately, the ghetto awards show also made it to the forefront. I mean what the HELL were the Dirty Awards? The Ozone Awards? We didn’t care about them LAST year, so where the hell did they come from? Add the Ghetto Diamond Awards to the list of tragic award shows ~~embarassing black folk~~. What exactly do the Ghetto Diamond Awards recognize? F*ckery?

I will commend Rick Ross for oiling up his pube beard. I can tell he used that afro-sheen in a loving manner. Can anyone tell me why this jackhole has a medallion of himself in YELLOW DIAMONDS COMPLETE WITH BEARD???????? It doesn’t even look like him. It looks like Mr. T without a mohawk. But I would “motorboat” if only I could drug him and rob him for his pendant while he sleeps post-coitus……..

And I just threw up in my mouth. F*ck it. I’ll just stay without the money.

Okay I hope that next year this ends. Body paint is not very flattering on anyone if you ask me, but it damned sure isn’t flattering on these girls. Did they hold casting calls in a barn???

Their stylist must be a 3 year old with undiagonsed ADD.