Seattle Slim Presents The Beat-niks: I See You Jackin’ Bitch…

Amy Winehouse is so happy to be married to Blake Fielder-Civil that she wants to go above and beyond to show him how much she loves him: she’s putting his name on her poontang kitty. SEXY-SEXAY!!!! The couple were married back on May 18th in a secret ceremony and will be having another one in London for all her family. Boy she loves her some Blake huh? But she has so many tats, she’s probably getting it just to get it. It is cute though. I had a tattoo of my ex-boyfriend’s nickname “Stinky” right over my va-jay-jay too, but when we broke up it wasn’t as big of a hit with the dudes as I thought it would have been. I’m still trying to figure out why….
Photo spotted at Splash News
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See I knew something was wrong with T-Pain when I heard “Sprung.” I WANTED to like him when he did “I’m In Luv Wit A Stripper” because I figured he would fade to obscurity….but like an in-grown hair in the genital area, he is STILL there no matter HOW much you try to get rid of him. I misjudged his staying power. So while I am not surprised at the author of this quote, I am still wondering who the hell to assasinate for releasing this Krakenass dude on us.
T-Pain on Ray-J’s member: “…not many men can follow Ray J. The man got a huge meat.”
Doesn’t T-Pain remind you of this:

Quote spotted at SOHH

Nicole “Damned If I Eat” Richie is in “hot water” for some vapid remarks on her invitation to her bbq for the weekend.

“Let’s glorify this day in your sluttiest tops and your tightest pair of tsubi jeans, even though we have no…clue what Memorial Day really means!!…There will be a scale at the front door. No girls over 100 pounds allowed in. Start starving yourself now. See you all then!!!”

Her rep says it was out of context. RIGHT!

LOL I’m still trying to figure WHAT BBQ they were talking about. If “BBQ” is code for licking popsicle sticks dipped in low-fat bbq sauce and an orgie of vomiting in a communal sink, I might be able to follow. These bitches know they weren’t going to eat a damned thing. I would love to go to the bbq and just be mean and fix a plate full of chicken, burgers, hot dogs, potato salad and pie and eat it all in front of them. It would drive those stick figure idiots nuts!! I think Nicole’s head would pop off.

Lil’ Cease on rumors of him being gay after a home video showed him stripping in a room full of men and one woman:

….They want to hear some gossip. Anybody that knows me, knows that I’m comfortable about my sexuality. I was just tryin’ to get some shit poppin’ off in there. All these rappers talk about having orgies. I’ve done that shit when I was 15-years-old. That’s all I was tryin’ to get started in the room. You’re never gonna hear or see the truth because people are only going to check for [what’s] negative. It comes with being in the industry. I know you’ll get the good with the bad, but at the end of the day, you’re interested. Ever since that Lil’ Kim shit [where Cease testified against Kim in her 2005 perjury trial], people are throwin’ my name under the bus and that’s fine, because I know what type of man I am.

And after looking at the video Cease….we do too.
If you missed the video, check it out here:

LMAO at them putting The Game’s face over his dick to censor it.
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One hit wonder Rapper MIMS may find that he isn’t as “hot” as he thought. He’s being sued by a talent agent Marquitta Blair for $7.5 Million. I guess she paid $2,500 as a deposit on the $10,000 he was standing to get for the performance at Club Eugene in Manhattan on April 5th. He never showed up, and now she’s suing. But get this: She’s suing on the basis that he missed the show because of his “discriminatory attitude towards women.” What proof is she using against him? His LYRICS!
First of all, I don’t even know why she would front that much money on that dude to perform. I mean did I miss something? The song was old and tired within 24 hours of it being played on the radio. It was all over the place. But her hustle is very clear. Now with his legal troubles, he may have to do yet another remix to “This Is Why I’m Hot” called “This Is Why I’m Broke,” or “This Is Why I’m Homeless.”
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So Larissa Aurora aka b!tch who needs to get her ass beat Bootz from Charm School and Flavor Of Love 2 debuted her swap meet calendar for our enjoyment! OOOOH I love it! Just in time for Flag Day! I know what I’m giving my coworkers! She’s asking for $19.99 for the damned thing, but she is SEVERELY overpricing her joint. That markup is NOT reasonable. It’s worth about $5.00 on a good day……….

{Photo Courtesy of The Seattle P-I)

Miss USA Rachel Smith fell on her bony ass took one hell of a spill during the Miss Universe pageant last night in Mexico City. Looking at the footage, I myself would have ran out crying like a punk. But not these chics! She shook the haters off and kept smiling. My only concern is how she didn’t break every bone in her body. She looks like she was on the lettuce and vomit diet. Oh, and Miss Japan won and I am always amazed when they let a minority win. Here’s the footage!

Jesus be a comb and a stylist.

This chic is constantly setting fashion trends. What’s not to like about a wet ass crack from swimming in your thong bikini? Huh?
I am just trying to figure out why she thinks this is okay, who LET her leave the house like this to begin with and WHY aren’t they fired? If it’s this easy to style this girl, I could mos def get a job. I’d have her wearing chicken suits and stripper clothes and collecting a fat paycheck. Thing is…she’d probably look better.
Simon Cowell was quoted as saying:

“Lock the door, don’t go out with your stupid friends, have some home-cooked food, get a sense of reality.”

“And then say to yourself, ‘There’s more good in my life than bad. I’m still a rich, talented girl – now I want to get my career back on track.’ End of story.”

Umm I don’t know about talented, but he’s right on for everything else! Where is her mom???????

Mmm…Mmm..Mmmph! Lindsay Lohan finally hit rock bottom. Before I go on can I just ask, where is Lynne Spears and Dina Lohan for their daughters? I’m just asking. Did they get a memo saying it was a break from being a mother? Because I didn’t get that memo. When I signed up, my contract was VERY clear in the no days off or breaks allowed part, so…..I’m just wondering.
Even after crashing her Mercedes-Benz onto a curb and into a tree early Saturday morning where cops found a sizable “amount of cocaine” in the car, being arrested at the hospital (then released), and having Svedka Vodka pull sponsorship for her 21st birthday party in Las Vegas this July…..what does Lindsay do? LINDSAY GETS CRUNK!!! You can’t keep a cracked out slut good dog down. And I don’t mean crunk as in crazy and drunk. I mean crack and drunk. She was seen stumbling out of an LA nightclub, fell to her knees outside and shoved inside of a car where she basically passed out. And Dina Lohan was still on “vacation” from parenting.

She was helped into the back seat of a car where she fell straight asleep - with her mouth hanging open. There was blood on her hand from a nasty cut. And her clothes and make-up were a mess.

Next movie for her will be some Sci-Fi Channel flick with some kind of Octopus or Alligator that’s a million feet long….
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SOHH reported that prank phone call celebre Ralphige got an interesting phone call from Remy “My Hair Is The Devil On Speed” Ma….
Ooooh naughty girl!
click here to listen to snippet
I hope they don’t catch my accidental call to Matt Lauer where I told him that I was “putting butter on my booty” and he’s “got the paprika.”